Remember what's important at Thanksgiving time
My wife's cousin is a professional musician, the type of musician playing in classical symphony orchestras. She is a talented professional and lovely woman -- also a great mom. She married John, a well-educated scientist and professional academic.
The extended family would host bi-annual family reunions in the summer at a local Cincinnati park. The cousin and her family lived about five hours away; they would usually come. I enjoyed talking to John -- he is educated on advanced scientific theories such as dark matter, wormholes and other emerging topics in physics. He also knows a lot about sports.
Almost the entire family on my wife's side are conservative Republicans. Most feel very strongly about pro-life issues and border security. John is not. John is an extremely well-informed and passionate progressive -- the type of guy who pens long and provocative essays on Facebook. Over time John was christened by the family as "liberal John."
A predictable pattern began to emerge at our bi-annual family reunions. We would grill Cincinnati specialty sausages, drink beer, play corn hole, throw the football and feast on dozens of creamy side dishes, finishing the gluttony with creative desserts made of Jello and Cool Whip. The kids would run wild playing wiffle ball and sometimes setting up the "wet banana" slip and slide.
Then late in the afternoon, the ladies would start packing up the food, the corn hole champion would be declared, and the kids would wear out. The personal catch-up conversations would be complete, the sports predictions in the bag, and someone would do it. Someone would poke the bear.
Sometimes it was a conservative family member, sometimes it was John himself. Someone would poke the political bear, and the spiral out of control would unfold. Within short order yelling, sweating and cussing would ensue. My father-in-law's face once turned so red I worried he was having a health incident. For hours it would go on; the ladies would leave us at the park. No one listened, no one was persuaded -- it was nothing but fighting for fighting's sake. No issue would be solved. About eight years ago, John showed up wearing a t-shirt with a meme print comparing his brain (big) to our brains (a small dot). What could go wrong? It did.
Now, eight years later, many of the kids are grown with careers and in some cases kids of their own. We haven't had a reunion since. I miss seeing the extended family. I would like to know the adults the kids have grown into. I would like an update on black holes and dark matter and all the other non-political topics we would talk about.
This column will be printed a couple days after my favorite holiday. Thanksgiving is a time for families to gather, feast, watch football and enjoy being together. In this charged political environment I am going to guess the conversation at some Thanksgiving dinners went into the dangerous realm of politics. I am also going to guess some of these conversations went bad, and some families ended the holiday hurt and angry. And for what?
The red team, blue team divide in this country has the capacity to destroy families. Life is not a binary choice -- reality is nuanced, and we have allowed ourselves as a nation to be tricked into choosing teams which are themselves a false dichotomy.
It's OK to be deeply troubled by a complete lack of border controls and immigration enforcement AND be deeply troubled by overly aggressive immigration enforcement causing families to live in fear. It's OK to strive for no more abortions ever again AND feel strongly the State may not be the best tool to achieve this goal.
Somehow, we have been tricked into perceiving the government -- especially the federal government -- as the manifestation of our society and culture itself. It is not. The government and the red team/blue team sham choice is not our culture and society. "We" are our culture and society. Our families, our love for each other and our time together will matter more in the end than any debate in which no one listened and no one was persuaded.
If the holiday conversation went sideways, it is only a few days in the past. There's time to mend fences before the hard feelings fester for too long. Pick up the phone, make a call, send a text.
Happy Thanksgiving.
The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual. Stock investing includes risks, including fluctuating prices and loss of principal. No investment strategy can guarantee a profit or preserve against loss. Past performance is not a guarantee of future results. Marc Ruiz is a wealth advisor and partner with Oak Partners and registered representative of LPL Financial. Contact Marc at marc.ruiz@oakpartners.com. Securities offered through LPL Financial, member FINRA/SIPC.
